


Please Don’t Leave Me

by TheFreckledTitan



Series: JeanMarco [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Cancer, Falling In Love, Fluff, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Marijuana, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-14 15:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13592913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFreckledTitan/pseuds/TheFreckledTitan
Summary: Marco’s death is destroying Jean, he just wants to go back to the past.xXxA story of how Jean and Marco came to love each other with such a passion that nothing could destroy.





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy the story!!!

JEAN POV

I sat in my office at work, filling out paperwork and filing papers. Suddenly, my phone buzzed; a call from my boyfriend Marco.  
“Hey honey.”  
“H..Hi sweetie.” I heard Marco sniff on the other line.  
“What’s wrong?” I asked, the smile once adorning my face dropping.  
“Can you come to the doctor’s office as quickly as you can please?”  
That’s weird, why the doctors?  
“Sure. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” I hang the phone up and lock my office door as I walk out. I hop into my car and make my way towards the doctors. The closer I get, the more nervous I become. I see Marco’s car parked in the car park and pull in next to him. I lock the car and enter the building.

THIRD PERSON POV 

Jean slowly went to the front desk and asked about his fiancé. The lady gave a sympathetic smile and told him to take a seat, and that Marco’s doctor, Zoë Hanji would be with him soon. Jean anxiously cracked his knuckles.  
“Mr Kirchstein?” a voice sounded from the door. A woman with messy brown hair tied up into a ponytail and thick framed rectangular glasses smiled at him and gestured for him to follow her. She led him into a small office where Marco was sitting. Just seeing his freckled face made him feel more safe.  
“Hey.” Jean smiled and sweetly kissed Marco’s lips. Marco returned the kiss and half smiled back.  
“Sit down, Jean.” Marco replied gesturing to the seat next to him. Jean sat down and looked at the doctor who made eye contact with Marco before she began speaking.  
“Mr Kirchstein, I’m Dr Hanji.” She spoke, stretching her hand out for Jean to shake. He did, and Hanji began speaking again.  
“Are you familiar with glioblastoma?” Jean felt confused.  
“No, I’m afraid not.”  
“Well some of the symptoms of it are cognitive, muscular, sensory and gastrointestinal difficulties. Sometimes even seizures.” Jean had no idea what was going on.  
“I’m sorry doctor, where are you going with this?”  
Hanji looked at Marco and nodded. Marco turned to Jean and took both of his hands in his. Jean was now terrified, he hasn’t even seen Marco like this.  
“Jean,” Marco whispered before looking down.  
“I have glioblastoma, it’s brain cancer.” Jean could feel his heart beat faster and his breathing hitch. Marco had been acting weird the last six months, Jean had noticed frequent muscle spasms and how Marco was also tripping over his own feet all the time, always missing steps on their staircase, always shaking when holding onto things. He’d sometimes even complain about how his hands and feet would always get pins and needles, and that his vision was deteriorating. He snapped out of his thoughts to see Marco’s almost always smiling face covered in tears. Jean couldn’t say anything, he was speechless. So he turned towards Hanji.  
“It’s not fatal, is it?”  
Hanji looked towards the ground.  
“Marco is in stage four of the cancer because we couldn’t detect it earlier. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do. Marco will pass away.” Jean could feel the rage boil up within him. He stood up and punched the wall hard, followed by him pushing of a vase of flowers on Hanji’s desk.  
“What do you mean, ‘there’s nothing we can do?’ You’re a fucking doctor aren’t you? You supposed to help people, not tell them to screw off and die!” Jean spoke harshly to the doctor who surprisingly, didn’t flinch.  
“Jean, stop...” Marco stood up and held Jean’s shoulder.  
“How long?!” Jean directed at Hanji.  
“About four months.” Hanji replied.  
Jean fell to his knees. The pain he was in was indescribable. The love of his life was dying. He was dying and there was nothing he could do.  
He heard Marco and Hanji exchange a few words and a hug before she left the room and Marco sank down to his knees next to Jean.  
“I’m... I’m sorry Marco.” Jean hiccuped.  
“Shhh, don’t be sorry. Hanji understands.” Marco said while stroking Jean’s hair. Jean pulled back and kissed Marco roughly, as if his life depended on it. Marco deepened the kiss, and wrapped his arms around Jean’s neck, while Jean’s hand slid up under his shirt to his bare waist. Suddenly, Marco pulled back and collapsed to the ground, twitching slightly.  
“Oh my god! Someone help!” Jean screamed and Hanji ran in and saw Marco seizing on the ground. Jean helped her lift him onto the bed and finally the seizure stopped.  
“Is this what it’s going to be like?” Jean whispered to Hanji as he stroked Marco’s forehead.


	2. Make Me Feel Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean wants to hold Marco again, because it may be one of his last times. 
> 
> *Light smut warning, mild smut

MARCO’S POV

We were back home. Jean hadn’t said a word since I’d had the seizure back at the doctor’s. Turns out I’d had the cancer for about three years now, and now it’s too late to do anything. I’m going to die. Wow, that’s a scary thing to say. And here I thought The Exorcist was the scariest thing I was gonna see. Fuck, I’m only 25. But to be honest, I don’t care about the whole dying part. My parents died in a car accident when my little brother was a baby and I was four. Oh shit, my brother... I’ll have to call him in London tomorrow, he’ll be devastated. What I care about, is Jean, I don’t want to leave him... My brother at least has his girlfriend. Jean has no one. His parents barely spoke to him when they found out he was gay. Jean finally spoke.   
“M..Marco...” he stuttered.   
“Jean.” I whispered breathlessly back to him before he grabbed me into a rib cracking hug. I felt tears dampen my shirt as I push my hands under his shirt to feel his smooth skin. 

JEAN’S POV

Marco’s hands snake their way up my bare back. My tears wet his shirt as I inhaled his beautiful smell. He had a sweaty scent, but not that gross type of sweaty that makes you repel. I bury my face deeper into the crook of his neck to inhale his sweet musky aroma, because it might be one of the last times I do. This scent always used to turn me on, but now with the sadness of the situation it doesn’t. Oh hell, who am I kidding. It still turns me on more than ever. Especially feeling his warm hands trail up and down my spine. I know this is hardly the time, but I want to feel him, now more than ever. I want to feel him inside of me for fucks sake. So I start pressing gentle kisses to his neck stopping every once in a while to suck a little. Marco moans against my neck, his hands moving down to cup my ass slightly. He knew what I wanted, there wasn’t a word exchanged but he knew. I moaned at the sensual contact, which caused Marco to slip his hands into my jeans, and started rubbing his soft hands on my sensitive skin. 

THIRD PERSON POV

Quiet moans fell from Jean’s pink lips.  
“Marco... kiss me.”   
Marco’s pulled his hands out of Jean’s jeans and cradled his face in his palm.   
Jean leaned into his palm and placed a kiss on his thumb.   
“I’m not going anywhere yet Jean. I’m here.” Marco whispered as his ran his thumb gingerly over Jean’s bottom lip. A single tear ran down Jean’s cheek. Marco leaned forward and kisses it gently away before pressing his lips to Jean’s tenderly. Jean opened his mouth wider to make room for Marco’s sweet tongue. When he felt it come in contact with his own, he moaned into the kiss. Marco’s hand slid into his shirt and caressed his abs, before slipping off the shirt completely. Soon after Marco discarded his own shirt he started sliding his hands into the waistband of Jean’s tight jeans, opening the top button to alleviate some of the pressure on his groin. Jean slid out of his pants before his grabbed Marco’s wrist and pulled him on top of him. Marco began to kick off his pants until they were both in their boxers. Marco gently hooked his fingers into Jean’s briefs and pulled them off, causing a moan fall from his lips. Soon they were both completely naked. Marco leaned into Jean’s neck.   
“I love you, I always will Jean.” he whispered before he entered him.   
“Ngh, I... I love you too Marco.” As their love making ensued, Jean felt tears run down his face. This will be one of their last moments together. Marco pulled up from Jean’s neck where his face had been buried.   
“Jean... don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Jean stared into Marco’s beautiful whiskey eyes, before pulling him down to kiss him, hard. Soon after, they both finished and cleaned themselves up.


	3. KFC

Three months later

THIRD PERSON POV

Marco lay in the hospital bed, oxygen pipes through his nose and needles jabbed into his arm connected to various liquids. One month ago, Marco had a severe seizure which disrupted his brain activity immensely, preventing him from walking and fluent talking; he could only talk one or two words at a time, if that. But Jean hadn’t left his side, not once. Jean had fallen asleep on the end of the bed, crouched over with his arms resting on the edge of the mattress. Marco grunted slightly and leaned forward to stroke his hair. Jean stirred slowly and looked at Marco. 

“Morning handsome.” 

Marco smiled and caressed Jean’s cheek and neck. There was a brief gurgling at the back of his throat, signalling that he was trying to speak.

“Shhh, don’t try and speak. It isn’t going to do you any good, idiot.” Jean said smoothing Marco’s hair away from his eyes.

The heart monitor next to them signalled that Marco’s heart was beating a little slower. Almost immediately nurses came rushing in and shoved Jean out of the way. Due to Jean’s hair trigger temper, he told one of the male nurses ‘you better take good fucking care of him, you hear me?’ The nurse nodded quickly and turned back around to Marco. When the nurses dissipated, one stayed behind to talk to Jean. 

“Hello Mr Kirschstein, my name is Christa.” a petite blonde girl said. Suddenly her expression changed.  
“The reason Mr Bodt’s heart slowed down is because he is becoming weaker as the days pass. He’s fighting really hard to hold on, but he can’t help when his heart fails.” she said solemnly. 

“Thank you.” Jean muttered, although he didn’t quite know what he was thanking her for.

When she left, Marco had his eyes closed, but his heart rate was back to normal. Jean sighed in relief. He walked over to the bed and sat down. Marco’s eyes slowly cracked open. 

“J..J..Jean.” Marco managed to get out.  
“Shh, it’s alright Marco. I’m right here.”

Marco smiled slightly and closed his eyes again. It was about lunch time, so Jean decided to go and get some lunch for them both because the hospital food tasted like shit. Marco had always loved KFC, so that’s where he drove. As he ordered their lunch, his phone rang. It was Marco’s brother, Dean. 

“Hey Dean.” Jean answered. Their normal conversation ensued; was Marco okay and was he comfortable. Jean always answered yes, but Dean would be able to decide for himself. 

Tomorrow Dean and his girlfriend Lydia were coming down from London to visit Marco before.... well, you know. Soon Jean was making his way back to the hospital with the KFC. When he entered Marco’s room, Marco sniffed the air and sat up excitedly. Jean chuckled and set up the food for him. Marco gurgled a little and then said,

“I...love...y...you.”   
“I love you too Marco. More than you’ll ever know.”


	4. ‘Love from, Marco.’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Never will I leave you Jean, I’ll always be in your heart.’

The Next Day 

Jeans POV

Marco’s heart had failed two times last night. The nurses said that he probably won’t make it to the end of the week. I hadn’t stopped crying. The entire night I sat by him and held his hand and prayed even though I’d never prayed before that something would happen, that there’d be a miracle breakthrough and they could save him. Marco’s brother had arrived a little while ago and was talking to the nurses. He came into the room with puffy red eyes and his girlfriend doing her best to comfort him. Marco opened his eyes and reached for Dean’s hand. Marco tried his best to smile but it didn’t work. He was becoming weaker. Dean fell to his knees and cried, squeezing Marco’s hand. Marco looked like he was about to cry too. Dean finally sat up. 

“Jean, can I speak to you outside for a moment?” He asked quietly. I followed him outside of the room. 

“Jean... I want you to make the funeral arrangements.” he whispered.   
My eyes widened.   
“Are you sure? He’s your brother...”  
“I’m sure. I know that’s what he wants. He loves you more than anything in this world Jean, and I think it’s breaking his heart to see you so upset... he wants to hold you and tell you it’s alright but he can’t it’s tearing him apart.” Dean cried. 

I was shocked. Dean really cared about Marco, and he wanted the best for him. It was so heartb....  
“Dean! Jean!” I heard Lydia scream.   
We both ran in and saw that Marco’s heartbeat was almost nonexistent. The nurses all came rushing in and pushed us away. I didn’t move. I ran to the other side of the bed and held Marco’s hand. God, he looked like he was in so much pain.

“Jean.” He managed. “Shh Marco don’t talk everything’s gonna be fine, okay?” I whimpered. Marco smiled. “I..love...you Jean.” He whispered, and closed his eyes. His heartbeat peaked twice and then flatlined. I gasped. 

“Marco! No! Wake up! Stop playing games you stupid fucker! Please!” I screamed. The nurses finally succeeded in pushing me away and tried to resuscitate him. His face was ghostly pale and his chest wasn’t rising and falling. He’s dead.  
The nurses stopped and pulled away from his body. Christa came up to me. 

“Mr Kirschtein, I’m very sorry, but Mr Bodt has passed away.” She said very solemnly. I fell to my knees. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t talk. All I saw was Marco’s lifeless body. The cold embrace of death that stole the warmth of life from him. I crawled over to Marco’s body and stoked his face. “Marco?” I hopelessly pleaded for him. He didn’t answer. I slipped my fingers into his and placed my head on his chest and cried. I didn’t stop crying even after they pried his body away from me. I wanted to be with him. I didn’t want to live without him. Another nurse came in. A tall lanky guy with dark hair.   
“I’m Bertholdt, this letter is from Mr Bodt.” He said quietly and handed me a letter. I opened it and read. 

‘Dear Jean,

If you’re reading this, I’m not with you anymore. I’m really sorry, Jean. I want you to know that I love you more than words can describe. But please don’t do anything rash since I’m gone. Live a long and successful life, Jean. I know you’re capable of it!! Move on from me, you need someone to help you through the hard times. Maybe you could sign up for Grindr? I’m joking. Well anyway, I love you Jean and I’m sorry I couldn’t stay for longer. Cancer’s a bitch. Don’t be too sad, because I’ll always be with you. Never will I leave you alone Jean, I’ll always be in your heart, and you’ll always be in mine. I love you Jean Kirschtein. 

Love from,  
Marco xx’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	5. Chapter 5

One week later 

It was the day of Marco’s funeral. Jean hadn’t slept a wink since Marco’s death. He glanced at himself in the full length mirror while dressed in a formal black suit. He closed his eyes and imagined what Marco would say if he was standing beside him. “Don’t be sad, Jean! You look so nice!” Jean smiled to himself at the thought before he got his keys and exited the house. Himself and Dean arrived at the funeral home half an hour earlier for the viewing of Marco’s body. Dean looked as if he had been hit by a train, not that Jean could blame him, he didn’t look much better himself. Dean and Lydia went into the viewing room first, and when they exited, Lydia was holding onto his arm tightly as Dean looked at the ground. 

As I walked into the room, there was a sign that read ‘do not touch the body.’ in large italics. Well, fuck that. I slowly went further into the room. My heart beat faster as I saw the brownish-red coffin sitting in the corner of the room. Then, I saw him. He was so pale that his freckles were barely visible. I walked closer until I was peering over the edge of the coffin. He was wearing his best suit, and his hands were folded over his chest.  
“Hey, Marco.” I whispered as I knelt down next to the coffin.   
“You look better than you did at the hospital.” I continue talking to myself.   
I reach out to grab his hand, but jumped back when I wasn’t greeted by the warmth and softness that were Marco’s hands. Instead, they were cold and stiff.   
“I want you to come back, Marco.’  
I felt my voice shake as I uttered the words.   
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me about this sooner, you fucking asshole?!” I dropped his hand and kicked the side of the table the coffin was resting on. The coffin shook and Marco’s head fell to the side. Warm tears dripped down my face and onto Marco’s suit jacket and shirt.   
“Didn’t you trust me?” I sobbed.   
Suddenly, the door to the room flew open and I was ushered out.   
“No, please! I haven’t finished!” I yelled.   
“Sorry Mr Kirschtein, violence is not tolerated at this establishment, nor is disrupting the body.” An elderly woman spoke as she entered the room and locked the door behind her. I fell to my knees. I hadn’t finished yet, I didn’t get to tell him I love him. Dean walked in and put a hand on my shoulder.   
“Don’t worry Jean, I’ll get it sorted out.”   
With those few words he knocked on the door and the woman opened it with an annoyed look on her wrinkled face. I heard them speaking, but didn’t make out a word they said. The woman sighed and walked around my crouched body and held onto my arm.   
“Come on, son. Just be mindful of what you’re doing.” I got up and thanked her profusely before entering the room again to find Marco’s body all back in order; his head centred and his jacket dry.   
“I’m sorry, Marco.”   
I knelt down next to the coffin again and rested my head on his chest. The steady beat of a heart wasn’t there. 

Jean looked up at Marco’s peaceful face before leaning up and placing a chaste kiss on Marco’s cold lips.   
“I love you Marco. Goodbye.”

6 Years Before 

The air stank of second hand cigarette smoke and cheap beer. The music was making the wooden floor vibrate as Marco leaned up against the wall, with a drunk girl attached to his arm. He had no idea why he was here. It was definitely not to get mindlessly drunk and do something he’d regret in the morning. No, that was more Connie and Sasha’s style. Marco was pulled from his thoughts as he heard a loud crash coming from the living room.   
“Fuck off, Jaeger!”  
“I’ll kill you, horse face!”  
Marco shrugged the girl on his shoulder off and entered the living room. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or scream at the sight before him. Eren Jaeger, the school jock with a hothead was standing over Jean Kirschstein, Marco’s best friend with bleeding hands.   
“Mikasa’s my girlfriend, asshole!” Eren screamed at Jean, standing on his hand and twisting the heel of his boot into it. Jean winced.  
“She’s way too fucking good for you, jackass! She should be with me! I love her!”  
Marco’s chest tightened when he heard Jean say that. He didn’t know exactly why, but he just didn’t like the thought of Jean being taken away from him. Marco’s thoughts were interrupted by a sickening crack coming from above him. He looked up to see Jean on the ground with blood dripping down his nose and lips. To his surprise, it wasn’t Eren with the bloody knuckles. Mikasa stood above him with a scowl on her face and her hand in a fist.   
“Don’t you dare touch Eren again.” she muttered before turning on her heel and exiting the house with Eren. Marco knelt by Jean’s side and helped him up onto his feet.   
“Jesus, Jean. You’ve gotta stop doing this.”   
“Fuck off, Marco. I can handle this shit myself.” Jean replied hastily and shoved Marco off. Marco sighed. This wasn’t unusual for jean to react in such a way. Marco followed Jean out of the house onto a nearby park bench. Jean pulled out a flask located in his jacket pocket and threw his head back to drink.

Marco’s POV 

“What’re you drinking?” I asked warily.   
“Vodka Essence.”  
“What the fuck, Jean? That stuff can kill you!!” I scream hastily at him and rip the flask out of his hands to see that most of the alcohol had already been drunk.   
“Whatever, Marco. It’s not like I care.” Jean muttered quietly.   
“Yes you do.” I say as I tip the rest of the flask’s contents out onto the ground before slipping it into my pocket.   
“No, Marco. I really don’t.” He replies and lights a cigarette. I sniff the air timidly before sighing sadly.   
“Jean, you’ve got to stop it with the weed. It’s getting serious.” I mumble.   
Jean tries to reply but he can’t as the alcohol has started to take effect. I take the joint away from him and throw it on the ground to step on it. Jean tries to take a swing at me, but since he’s so immobile he misses by miles.   
“Jean, stop that.” I mutter as I grab his arm and hoist it around my shoulder so I can help him back to my house.   
Before we can even get there, Jean starts barfing all over my shoes.  
I can’t really blame him, that alcohol is strong shit. I rub his back soothingly and pull him over to the drinking fountain nearby. He drinks the water begrudgingly before barfing more. I eventually manage to get him to my house, up the stairs and into my room. My parents and little brother weren’t home, so it was easy to move him without hassle. I sat him down on my desk chair before stepping out of the room for a moment. I pulled out my phone and dialled his mom’s number.   
“Hello?”  
“Uh, Hi Mrs Kirschtein. It’s Marco Bodt, Jean’s friend from school.” I stutter nervously.  
“Oh, Marco. What’s the matter?”  
I hear her sigh into the phone. To be honest, the woman’s always scared me. She always seems to be looking down her nose at everyone.   
“So, uh, Jean’s fallen asleep while studying and I know he’s been working really hard so I don’t want to wake him, and it’s pretty late to be driving at this hour. Would it be alright if he stayed the night with me?” I held my breath waiting for her answer. There was a long pause before she finally agreed but said she wouldn’t be home tomorrow to let him in the house so he’ll have to stay the weekend. I kind of felt like she was trying to put me off, but I agreed. I wished her goodnight before hanging up the phone and going back into my room. The sight I saw made my jaw hit the floor. Jean was sprawled out on the floor, his arms and legs all extending in unnatural angles. He had vomited all over himself again, and was lying in it. It also looked like he’d.... well, “lost control” of his bladder judging by the wet patch on the front of his jeans.   
“Jean!” I rushed over to him and hoisted him up onto the chair again, not particularly caring about the rancid stink the reeked from him. He was pale and his lips were dry. I reached my fingers to his neck to check for a pulse, and thankfully it was still there.   
“M...ar...co...” Jean groaned tiredly. I knew I had to get him to vomit more, otherwise the alcohol would destroy his system. I carried him over to the bathroom and helped him lean over the toilet. I patted his back softly as he continued to barf violently into the toilet. After about 10 minutes, I thought he was doing a little better.   
I flushed the toilet and sat him up on the lid. The state of him was terrible; his hair was matted with vomit, his clothes sweaty and covered in barf, and his pants were wet and vomit coated too. I sighed, I was going to have to bath him. Jesus, this shit was going to be awkward. I quickly ran out of the room to grab some towels and some fresh clothes of mine. When I returned I ran the warm bath water and squeezed nearly a whole bottle of bath gel in it. After that, I started taking off his shirt and chucking it into the corner. Christ, he stank like something else.   
Awkwardly, I moved down to his pants and began undoing the fly.   
“Mm, Marco. Whatcha doin’ down there?” Jean slurred drunkenly.   
I ignored his comment and continued to pull of his pants and boxers until he was stark naked in front of me. I avoided looking him as much as possible, because if I did it would be 10 times more awkward than necessary. I stopped the bath water and helped him into the bath.   
“Mm, Marco. Feels nice.” Jean sighed.   
I smiled slightly before throwing his clothes down the laundry shoot.   
Jean looked like he was almost asleep, so I took the liberty to wash his hair and remove all of the filth from his body. Once I’d done that, I dried him and dressed him.   
Ugh, finally. It was done. I could get him to bed. I helped him out of the bathroom until he stopped suddenly and began smelling his clothes.   
“Marco, these smell like you.” He giggled. He was still shit faced. Despite it all, I blushed. It was kind of cute.   
“Cmon Jean, time for bed.” I say, patting the bed. Jean listens to me and hops into the bed and closes his eyes. Thank God! I grabbed myself a change of clothes and start to head to the guest bedroom before I hear a small whimper coming from my bed.   
“Marco, don’t go. I love you.”  
Well.   
I nearly shit myself.   
At first I thought it was a slip of the tongue you know, Marco, Mikasa, they’re kind of similar. After all, he was stoned.   
“Come back, Marco. I want to count your freckles.”   
I didn’t know how to feel. Jean loves me? Do I love him? Will he remember this tomorrow? Am I gay? Bi?! I go through every possible question in my head before I see Jean crack open his eyes again. “You’re beautiful, Marco.” He yawned before finally drifting to sleep, loudly snoring. Well, that answered one of my question, he isn’t going to remember this tomorrow. But another question stood out much more than that. If it wasn’t because of Mikasa and Eren, why did he continue to poison himself with alcohol and drugs?


End file.
